Limericks from the Golden Plates

Laban Gives Advice on Drinking

“Beware if you’re having some wine.

Drink a glass, maybe two, while you dine.

But too much of the red, 

and you might lose your head.

Use restraint and you’ll probably be fine.”

A Heavenly Visitor Speaks to Alma

“Behold, I am here to crack down.

Keep at it and you’ll get smacked down.

Stop being a jerk,

and disrupting the work.

Your behavior’s appalling, back down.”

Ammon Ministers to Lamoni’s People

He fought bravely to save and preserve them;

he labored to care for and serve them;

and he showed the best way

to keep raiders away:

Put their arms in a bag to unnerve them.

The Prophet is Questioned by the Resurrected Lord 

“At last, He was here, the I AM—

the Redeemer, our God’s holy lamb.

When He asked what we wrote,

a big lump filled my throat:

Oh crap, we forgot about Sam!”

The Brother of Jared Sees the Lord

Mahonri decided to linger,

to learn from the holy light-bringer.

Imagine his shock,

when during their talk 

the Almighty one gave him the finger.

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About the Author

D.A. Cooper lives in Houston, TX with his wife and three children. His poetry has also appeared in Irreantum and Light, and is forthcoming in Dialogue and Ships of Hagoth. He was recently awarded the LDSPMA’s Praiseworthy Award for his poem “Talking to Dante in the Spirit World” (originally published in Irreantum’s “Long Poetry” issue). In his free time, he likes to read, write, and ponder.